Nesting birds and marriage…

What a time of the year, the flowers are amazing to see and smell, in fact I’ve been kept awake a few nights because the smell has been so powerful!

Another amazing experience this Spring was that a hummingbird momma chose our house to nest her 2 little eggs. Check out the beautiful nest. I love animals, and was totally giddy! Ready to take this journey to see this momma, hatch and raise her two little ones. I mean that is the natural progression right?  Build the nest, lay the eggs, 16 days of incubation, then a few weeks of feeding and learning to fly.

Well, often times life doesn’t go as simply does it? A few days after we saw the nest, I noticed one of the eggs fell out and we didn’t see the momma again. I called the animal rescue and they said maybe the momma comes back at night or when we weren’t looking. So, we left the last egg where it was and hoped for the best.

One week later I saw momma flying around the nest, followed by a big shadow. I didn’t know what was going on, until that shadow came into full view. It was a crow. I yelled to my son to get out the door and scare it away, but we were both kinda frozen, unable to act. 

My frozenness was because I just didn’t want to believe that the crow would try to get the remaining egg, to me it just wasn’t the way it was supposed to be, so I couldn’t engage in what really was.  Then the unthinkable became reality; the crow perched on the rope and stole the remaining egg from the nest. I was devastated.  The nest was ripped open, and there was nothing left. NOTHING!

I think this is what marriage is like. We find someone we want to share life with and grow old together. The progression of dating, learning about each other, getting engaged, and saying “I do,” to setting up your first home, making your own way apart from family, having kids, an so on. It’s the natural way, and it should be amazing.

But it’s just not like that, we get our feelings hurt, our needs aren’t met, we start to see things in our spouse we didn’t know were true when we were dating. How did we get here? I often hear asked in my coaching practice. That’s a good question.

There are crows in life waiting to steal whatever joy our marriage holds and I am sad that so many people are frozen in place, unable to believe that anything bad is happening to our “ideal”  happily ever after, making us unable to act to make things right. 

It’s time to act. It’s time to start talking. Trust me when I say you are not alone, there are many marriages under fire, seeing a shadow but not willing to believe that there is a solid enemy behind it. Staying quiet about it won’t make the shadow go away, actually it will provoke it, strengthen it, and it will take over until it becomes a solid beast ready to devour your marriage until there is nothing left. It sounds bleak, or like a bad play, but it is what I’m seeing in many marriages, its real.

I want to invite you to take a first step and download my ebook called the Conflict Cure for Marriage. It will provide you with insight into what conflict is and how to start addressing it. Then, I want you to take the next big step and schedule a 30 minute free session with me. In those 30 minutes we will look at your story and try to gain a vision for where to go next.

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